Switched
by alpha aquarii
Summary: Holly and Artemis have switched bodies due to an experiment gone horribly wrong. What could happen? NOT an ArtemisHolly! COMPLETED
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own Artemis Fowl. Duh.

Note about my other story: Thank you for everyone who reviewed. I have that story all written out, but due to some issues I'm going to have to change it a bit, but I'll post it up soon.

Note about this story: This takes place after EC, before OD, but Artemis and Co. have their memories back, and it's too hard for me to write a fic without him, so our favorite commander is still here too. There might be a bit of OOCness in this story for Artemis; sorry about that.

On with the story!

Switched

Chapter 1

"There had better be a good reason for this, pony-boy," said Holly, adopting the commander's nickname for Foaly. "And I mean _really_ good."

"Of course, Holly. But remember. Keep quiet and don't let anyone know that you're coming here."

"Is it _that_ secretive and important?" Holly rolled her eyes, she knew the types of things Foaly considered priorities weren't exactly shared by all.

Foaly was about to say 'of course' again but instead said, "Yes it is, Holly. Believe me, I think you'll like it." He chuckled back in his office.

Holly groaned and closed her intercom link.

When Foaly buzzed her in to his office, she was surprised to see Artemis there too. Before she had time to express that thought, Foaly stood up and pulled them into a kind of half bear-hug, half-huddle. Artemis and Holly both wrenched themselves away immediately, glaring at him.

Foaly, seemingly oblivious to the annoyed looks he was getting from the human and fairy, began his talk.

"Holly, you know that today is Artemis's last day visiting Haven, and by evening he will be sent on a surface shuttle to Ireland to meet back with Butler and everyone."

Holly nodded.

"Well, that's where I come in. I have finally completed my most brilliant work of art. And the really amazing thing is, it's not even a piece of technology!" Foaly spread his arms wide, waiting for it to sink in. Or so he thought.

Artemis crossed his arms, lifting one eyebrow slightly. "So what is it?" he asked, curious in spite of himself.

"You see, I have created a potion. When two people drink it, for 24 hours, they can sort of hear every thought in each other's minds! Genius, eh?"

"And this concerns us _how_?' Holly said, also folding her arms.

Foaly put a hand on each of their shoulders, and told them in a hushed voice, "I was planning to pull a prank on Beetroot- so I can finally find out what makes him tick! Come on, don't you want to find out why he's so red?"

"Yes," admitted Holly.

"As an added bonus, Julius will get to hear _my_ every thought, so he will perfectly understand _exactly _what fuels my brilliant mind! The only problem is, it's an untested experiment, so I just have to test it first, to make sure everything works. That's where you two come in."

"What!" Holly said, unconsciously taking a step backwards. "You want us to- to spend a whole day hearing each other's thoughts just so you can spy on Julius!"

"Getting a little defensive are we?" Foaly looked smug, something that Holly dearly wanted to punch him in the face for. "Besides, remember, _I _designed it. What's the worst that could happen?"

"No," said Holly and Artemis simultaneously.

"Why under the earth not?"

"You said your potion was untested," said Artemis flatly.

Foaly managed to regain his thoughts._ They said no. alright, I can't say I wasn't expecting that. But still, there might still be a way…_ While his mind was cooking up ideas he managed to look haughty. "Fine. If you won't test it I'll find someone else who will."

"Good idea." Holly said, and turned to leave. Artemis wasn't so convinced. It was unlike Foaly to be so willing to give up. He kept his guard up, but left nevertheless after Holly.

Foaly had the perfect idea. He had previously installed micro cameras in each of the LEP's officer's cubicles. Right now, Holly had just left for a bathroom break. Time to make his move.

Foaly quickly filled a mug with coffee and brought it to Holly's open cubicle. His idea was pure genius, at least in his eyes. He quickly searched around the small room, until his eyes alighted on Holly's water bottle. _Perfect_. He set the mug of hot coffee on her desk, hastily scribbled,_ Holly, I brought you some coffee to save you some time. You can thank me later. Foaly. _on a post-it and stuck it on the mug. Foaly pulled out a small vial. He unscrewed it rapidly and poured half of the contents in her water bottle. The potion was colorless, odorless, and tasteless. It would not take effect until Artemis drank it too, and then not until Foaly remote-activated it with sonic signals in his office. He left.

Now for Artemis.

Holly came back to her cubicle after she went to the bathroom. She noticed a steaming cup of coffee along with Foaly's note.

She read it quickly._ Oh, please,_ she thought._ Does he really think I'll fall for that? I'll bet anything it's spiked with that potion._

Holly then noticed exactly how thirsty she was. Her coffee was probably contaminated, but her water bottle looked okay. She took a deep swig of it.

Little did she know what she was in for.

Artemis would be harder than Holly to trick. Foaly knew this as he watched Holly drink her water, satisfied with himself._ The marvels of reverse psychology,_ he thought contentedly.

His best bet, he figured, was to spike Artemis's earl grey tea and then have someone else present it to him. Foaly jumped to his hooves (notice how strange that sounds?). No time to sit in the hot glow of his plasma screens.

Half an hour later:

Artemis had his lunch in Foaly's office with Commander Root and Foaly. Artemis's cup of tea had been spiked already, but since Root had given it to him, he didn't suspect anything. As Foaly presented one of his newest inventions to the two, he noticed Artemis sipping at his tea. Perfect.

At 7:00 in Lower Elements time, Artemis was being taken to his shuttle. Foaly, Root, and Holly gave him small presents, then waved good-bye.

Foaly actually slept in his office, he was so eager to activate the potion in the morning. When morning did come, before Holly came to the building, he sent the signals. He figured that once the two realized what had happened, Holly would come rushing over to him to 'kill' him, effectively giving away whether his potion worked or not.

Both Artemis and Holly felt a small tingle in their sleep, but that was it.

Holly woke up in an unfamiliar bedroom, in an unfamiliar bed. Ready as always to assess the situation, she glanced around the room.

It couldn't be Fowl Manor. Yet somehow she thought it was. She looked at a nightstand next to her. It had a picture of… _Fowl's dad? Where am I?_ she thought.

She happened to peek at a mirror across the room. Deep blue eyes, pale skin, raven hair that was messy from sleep. Her eyes widened.

"Oh. My. God."

"FOALY!"

For those people who have no idea what's going on: Foaly's experiment went wrong. Instead of hearing each other's thoughts, Holly and Artemis have actually switched physical bodies. Sorry if that was a little unclear.

Hey, what did you think when you read the title? Please review, this might stink, but at least tell me so, so I can change it later on.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I don't own Artemis Fowl and probably never will sigh

Note: OHG I am SO sorry for not updating this earlier! I cut my pinky really bad in science first period and had to be taken out of school to go to the emergency room! So I couldn't even WRITE much less type for like two weeks! So I'm really sorry, other chapters shouldn't take as long as this one.

Further note: I changed my pen name for no reason! Yay me!

Further further note: This chapter might be a bit tedious and boring, but it is essential to understand the next one! Stick with me here!

Switched

Chapter two

Holly stared, horrorstruck, at her reflection. She ran her hand through her now-black hair, touched her pale, cold cheek, and looked deep into her new dark blue eyes. That d'Arvitting centaur! Making them test a potion that did who knows what!

Meanwhile, her scream had attracted attention. Butler rushed in through the doorway with a huge Sig Sauer, looking frantically around. Holly, momentarily forgetting she was in Artemis's body, raised her arms in surrender. Normally she would have tried to take Butler on, but with the state of shock she was in paired with the tiredness of having just woken up, you can imagine.

Butler put his gun away, rushing to (who he thought was) his master's side. "What is it, Master Artemis?"

Holly could put two and two together. Butler would think she had come down with dementia if she told him what had happened. So she quickly thought of what Artemis would say. "It's quite all right, Butler. You may leave." Perfect. She sounded just like him.

"Hmmm…" Butler was still suspicious, but he left nevertheless, closing the door behind him.

Foaly had said the potion would only last 24 hours, but he had already made one mistake as to what the potion did, so who knew? Right now she had to try to contact Artemis- or herself. She had given Artemis a fairy communicator for his birthday (A/N: I'm twisting the facts from the end of TOD a bit), now she had to find where Artemis had hidden it. Probably in his room here, but she had no real way to know.

Holly (or should we say Artemis) got up from her bed and wondered briefly where this Mud Boy kept his clothes. Fairies don't have closets, you see, so naturally Holly was wondering. Eventually she found his formal suits, and changed into one, her body feeling strange. She thought about how Artemis was doing in her body, and in spite of the situation she was in, had to stifle a giggle.

Poor Artemis! Let's check on him:

Artemis took the body-switching part calmer than Holly did.

He woke up in Holly's body to her alarm clock. His first thought was, _Funny… I can't remember installing an alarm clock…perhaps Butler or Juliet did while I was at Haven. In that case, I shall have to speak to them about going into my room without permission._

Artemis opened his eyes, and immediately noticed something wasn't right. Rubbing his eyes with the heel of his hands, he checked to make sure he wasn't hallucinating. He noticed his skin was a nut-brown color. Gingerly, still not speaking, he felt his head. Something definitely was wrong. Running his hands through his new auburn hair, Artemis suddenly sat up.

Meanwhile, his alarm was still ringing. Artemis had never actually owned one before, but he knew how they worked. Pressing the off button, he began assessing the situation.

An unfamiliar scene met his eyes. He was in a small bed. As in, _very _small. How could he fit in it? Needless to say, he had never seen it before. There was a window, but it definitely wasn't morning sunshine that was pouring into his room. Plus, the air tasted stale and bitter. And why did his clothes smell different?

On the small desk next to the bed he was in was a picture of Holly, and a bottle of water. The paper wrapped around half of it said, 'Haven's Finest: Fairy Pure Water'. Artemis directed his gaze to outside his window. What he saw there confirmed what he already thought.

Artemis pulled back his blankets. He was clothed in something that definitely wasn't what he wore to bed last night, and was greeted with a body that wasn't his.

Artemis pulled his legs into a crossed position and began to meditate, though it felt different in this body.

_Let's see, _he thought. _Where does Captain Short go in the mornings? Ah yes, to her office in the LEP. Doubtless I am being missed already. Now, because of the state I am in due to Foaly's potion, the best course of action would be to contact the captain, who I presume will be in my body. But how do I do it? I don't know where Holly keeps _her _fairy communicator, and mine is locked up in a safe, so she definitely won't be able to contact me._

A loud ringing noise disturbed his half-awake state. Navigating the source of the noise was easy. Artemis's 'borrowed' lips curved into a smile. Good. Now he had found the communicator. It had been under the mattress. But who was calling him? It couldn't be Holly.

Artemis switched the communicator on, and was met by the not-so-pleasant sight of a certain red-faced commander. "CAPTAIN SHORT!" he roared. "WHY UNDER THE EARTH ARE YOU STILL NOT HERE!" Spit flew from his mouth onto the screen.

"Commander sir, may I talk to Foaly?"

"ANSWER THE QUESTION, SHORT!" So much for that. Time to try a new tactic.

"Ah, I overslept-"

"SHORT! IF YOU DON'T GET YOUR BEHIND IN MY OFFICE IN THE NEXT FIVE MINUTES, YOU'RE FIRED!" The commander terminated the line. That didn't go so well.

Back to Holly:

Holly had no idea what Artemis did in the mornings besides eat, so she began rummaging around in his drawers, scrounging his room for what she really needed- that communicator. So far, she hadn't been successful. She had to admit, that Mud Boy was _smart_.

She paused for a moment to take a sip of Artemis's Poland Spring water, then grasped her throat and choked. The water tasted _awful. _She tried to swallow without actually tasting. Not an easy thing to do. Mud Men. Such barbarians. Even their 'pure spring water' had been polluted.

Suddenly the sound of Vivaldi's 'Four Seasons' filled the room. Startled, Holly's first thought was that someone else was in the room with her. She turned around, but she was alone.

The music continued for a while, sounding muffled as if someone had tried to smother it with a pillow. Then, the sound was abruptly cut off with a loud _beeeeep._ Her own voice filled the room, sounding strange and unsure.

"Captain Short. It's me, Artemis. I realize the…awkward situations we are in. look under the rug, center panel. The code is 6-36-19. I repeat, 6-36-19." Click. Stupid Mud Boy. Looked like he had found her communicator. He had a _horrendous_ ring tone though.

What had he said? Under the rug. It was a circular, silky material with strange designs on it, and it was right in front of the bed. Holly rolled it up and tosses it to one side. Now, center panel. It didn't look all that special. Just another piece of wood. Of course, that made the possibility that Artemis was hiding something under it much more likely. She felt at the edges, and tried pulling the panel up. No dice.

For the next five minutes Holly tried every way she thought of to find what was under the panel (including stomping on it) and she still couldn't open it. Finally, she was about to give up and call it a day when the panel suddenly slid open.

_Ooo-kay._ Underneath the wood was a metal safe. It was small, just big enough to hide a fairy communicator. Smiling widely, Holly twisted and twirled the locks to the numbers that Artemis had told her. Soon the communicator was lying before her.

It was on. Clearly Artemis wanted her to contact him. Punching in her own number, she only had to wait one ring before she was staring at her own face.

"Mud Boy."

"Holly."

"Oh, when I get my hands on that centaur-"

"Captain, you must remain calm. No one will believe our stories, no matter how convincing we are. Hold on, call waiting, it's Root. Maybe we can get him to join the conversation…"

Suddenly her screen split in two- Artemis on one side, and what appeared to be a very ripe tomato on the other (hehe, I love making fun of Root).

"SHORT! Have you been talking to this Mud Boy all this time? Is that why you're late!" the commander looked like he was going to explode.

Still thinking of herself as Holly Short, captain of the LEP, Holly made the mistake of answering. "No commander sir, it's not Artemis."

Root turned his head towards her screen. "Do you think this is funny, Mud Boy? You can tell the captain to hang up and leave if she wants to keep her job."

"Commander sir, may we speak to Foaly?" On the other screen, Artemis (in Holly's body) nodded.

"What has the pony done to make both of you want to talk to him so bad?" the commander said as Foaly slid into the small view screen.

"That's my cue! Excuse me commander for a moment." They had a brief view of Foaly shooing the commander out his own office door, then he said, "Well?"

"Don't _well_ me, Foaly! You know perfectly what, you deranged, d'Arvitting-" Holly promptly covered her mouth. Artemis _was_ only fourteen, after all.

Artemis picked up where Holly had left off, but in a calmer manner. "Foaly, I don't know _what_ you expected to happen, but this isn't it. Your potion was disastrous, instead of hearing each others' thoughts we are _in each other's bodies._"

For a moment Foaly looked confused, then his face split into a wide smile. "Oh, I get it! Sorry guys, but no dice!' Holly and Artemis looked confused. "Compliment my genius all you want! I see you've learned to communicate with your new mind-links!" The baffled elf and human finally got it. Foaly thought they were pranking him! The nerve! "Enjoying your new abilities? Most fairies would _kill_ to have them, you know."

Holly muted her end of the call and proceeded to mutter unholy words.

There you go! Next chapter will be _way_ more exciting, as they actually have to go through the day! It'll be question marks for everyone, especially Butler and Root!

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	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I don't own Artemis Fowl, and I don't own the Lakeview Restaurant, if it indeed exists, which I'm not sure of.

Thank you all for bearing with me! Chapters are taking a long time for me because I'm having them all written out and everything.

To anyone who thinks it matters: There is one swearword in this chapter. It's gonna be the only one, so I'm keeping it a K plus.

Switched

Chapter 3

After rudely cutting Foaly off their link, Artemis and Holly decided the only thing they could do was wait until the effects of the potion wore off. Obviously, they could not communicate to each other all day long, so in a five-minute period, the two exchanged tips on how to survive their day.

"So what do you do in the mornings, Artemis?"

"Eat breakfast."

"…besides that?"

"Hmm, let me think…oh, and today my parents are taking me to a history museum as part of their new plan to _spend quality time with me._" Artemis sounded scornful.

"OK, so I've told you about how to get to the LEP, and…what else…" Something registered in her mind. "HOLY CRAP!" she burst out.

"What is it?" Always so formal.

"I just remembered-"Holly slapped herself mentally. "Today I have a date with Trouble!" How could she have forgotten?

Artemis, if possible, turned even paler. The thought of kissing a guy was…not pleasant…at the least. "Erm…Trouble who?" He tried (and failed) to keep a casual tone.

"Trouble Kelp. Look, Fowl, you're supposed to be a genius." On the other end, Artemis lifted an eyebrow. Supposed? But he didn't say that out loud. "There's got to be a way to make him cancel…what is it? Please?" She couldn't believe she was practically _begging _the Mud Boy.

Artemis's mouth had gone dry. For the first time (well, second, if you count when Butler had 'died'), he could not think of anything to say. "I'm…sorry, Holly. I can't think of a way."

Holly groaned. Her best chance of a romance was utterly gone. _Mental note: whoop Foaly's sorry butt as soon as this thing wears off._ "Well…good luck, you better go before you get me fired."

Artemis nodded and terminated the link.

-

Meanwhile, Holly didn't know it, but Butler had been listening to the whole conversation, and was now more than slightly worried about Artemis (Holly's) condition. It occurred to him the best thing for him to do was to lay low and observe for any more strange behavior.

Holly sighed. Might as well go downstairs. She wrenched open the door to find Domovoi Butler standing behind it, looking a shade guilty. He jumped a little, then said, "Master Artemis, your parents will be arriving in fifteen minutes. Perhaps you'd like something to eat?"

"Sure, Butler, lead the way." Suddenly realizing what she just said, she pretended to yawn while covering her embarrassed face.

Butler found it odd that the master would ask to be lead in his own mansion, but he nodded and took her downstairs.

"What would you like?" he said, opening the refrigerator while simultaneously watching for anything to add onto his suspicion list.

Holly looked around. There were eggs, butter, milk, juice, chicken, fruit, all sorts of goodies. Maybe there _was_ an advantage to being a Mud Man. A _rich_ Mud Man at that. She hadn't noticed before with all the panic with body-switching, but now she realized how sweet the air was, and how nice the warm sunshine felt. It was good to be aboveground again.

For breakfast, Holly settled for a few pieces of toast with orange juice (which was nowhere as good as a nettle smoothie, but it was all she had). Just as she was finishing her last bite, the doorbell rang. Butler hurriedly collected the dishes while Holly answered the door (which was luckily just outside the kitchen) to find Artemis's parents waiting for her with big smiles.

"Arty!" said Fowl's mother, sweeping her into a hug. With her face buried against Mrs. Fowl's side, Holly smirked. _Arty_. Wait until Artemis heard _her_ call him that.

Artemis Fowl I hugged her after, and then her 'new' parents and Butler engaged in a quite frankly, boring talk until the museum opened in half an hour…

Meanwhile-

Artemis Fowl II arrived at the LEP building without major incident, but when the commander bellowed, "SHORT! GET IN HERE!", he was stuck.

Artemis pushed open the commander's door and say down. Root spun around in his chair furiously, spotted Holly (Artemis) sitting down already, and said, "Short, since when do you just barge in like that without knocking?"

_Uh oh…_ "Sorry, sir."

"Now, Short…no point in beating around the bush… SO WHY WERE YOU LATE!"

"Uhm…my alarm…didn't go off…?" his words sounded like a question.

"I know that…BUT WHY WERE YOU TALKING TO THE MUD BOY!"

Artemis winced a little at the commander's loud voice, but quickly thought of a reply. "Artemis called me first." He injected a little accusation to make it sound right.

"Yes, but instead of having a pleasant little chit-chat-" _Pleasant?_ thought Artemis. "-you should have been more focused on your job! Now, Short…" the commander looked through a pile of papers he was holding. "Don't think I'm forgiving you, but do you think you can handle an aboveground mission?"

"Sure," Artemis said while wondering what the hell was an aboveground mission.

"Alright, then. We've just received word that a couple of gnomes have gone aboveground selling our gold for-" the commander snorted, "Mud Men appliances. Go find them, then call in a Retrieval team to capture them. There's a flare coming up in fifteen minutes—just in time. Take a Neutrino in case you get into a fight, and no matter what happens, Short, WAIT FOR BACKUP. Do you understand me?"

Artemis, naturally, understood very little of this. All he knew was that he didn't want to be punched again by Holly. One time had been more than enough for him. So he nodded.

The commander grunted. "Then go."

Artemis got up and exited the commander's office. Luckily for him, there was a guest map on the wall next to the office door. So, looking for the nearest men's room, he slipped into it and took out Holly's communicator. He punched in his own number and waited.

Short peek into Holly's world:

"Oh...haha… is that the phone?" Holly said nervously as a familiar tone wafted down from upstairs into her ears.

Angeline Fowl wrinkled her brow. They had just been preparing to leave. "Timmy, go get the phone."

Artemis Fowl I took a step forward, but Holly said, "No, I'll get it. It's my cell phone, I must have left it upstairs. My new…uh…ringtone." Was that what Mud Men called it?

"But honey," Mrs. Fowl called as Holly rushed upstairs. "Your cell phone is in your pocket!"

Back to Artemis:

"Mud Boy! What do you want?"

Artemis put a finger over his lips. "Holly, please be quiet. I have some urgent issues to talk to you about."

"What urgent issues?"

So he quickly filled her in, Holly looking more panicked by the second at the fact that the commander had given him an actual _aboveground mission._

Holly nervously told Artemis everything he could about Recon missions, but then the bathroom door opened and Trouble Kelp walked in. He stopped abruptly when he saw Holly (wink, wink, Artemis).

"Uh…Holly?"

_Oh, shit._

"Bye," Artemis said hastily, terminating the link. Remembering he was in _Holly's_ body, and in a _men's_ bathroom, he felt Holly's cheeks involuntarily blushing. Artemis hated not being in control in his own body.

"Uh…Hello. I was just on my way out." Artemis brushed past Trouble hurriedly, not knowing who he was.

So, naturally, he nearly jumped out of Holly's skin when Trouble placed his hand on his shoulder.

"Woah," Trouble said, spinning her around. Holly looked flushed and nervous. "What's up, Hols? Root told me you were supposed to be on a mission."

"Oh yes. I was just leaving." Artemis turned around and exited the men's bathroom. _Now, _where_ do I go?_

Holly:

"My, dear, look at this," said Angeline Fowl, pointing to a musket ball exhibit behind a thick layer of clear glass. She was skimming the history panel beneath it as if it was the single most interesting thing she had ever seen. "They say this is the exact bullet that was shot that started the Battle of Bunker Hill. Isn't that amazing?"

Holly nodded without enthusiasm. She had no interest in Mud Man history and artifacts, although it had been her best subject in fairy grade school.

Butler, who had been quiet for the entire trip so far, peered at Artemis through his tinted sunglasses. Mrs. and Mr. Fowl hadn't spent much time with the boy, but he had spent plenty to know that Artemis normally would have spent way more time examining every bit of the exhibit. He would have to talk to him when they got home. Something must be bothering his Principal.

Meanwhile, Holly was bored out of her brain. The seconds couldn't pass fast enough. Had Artemis lost her job yet? The one good thing in her life, that she could always count on?

"Look, Arty." Angeline Fowl's peaceful voice disturbed Holly's thoughts. "The Lakeview Restaurant. Would you like to have lunch there?"

"Sure," Holly agreed reluctantly.

So a few minutes later, they were all sitting down at one of the fancy tables with menus so big they had to stand up to read them. But that didn't matter, since all the words were in French anyway.

Bad ending, I know.

Woo-hoo! It's my birthday! It's my birthday! (well not really but) Go me! I got the powah! I updated on Thanksgiving! Yayyyyy please review.

Next chapter spoilers: Holly disgraces herself while eating Mud Man food, and Artemis leads a mission!

A couple chapters ahead spoilers: This is to all HollyTrouble lovers. I am sorry but for the sake of the story (I rated it Humor, not Romance) I'm gonna have to have Artemis ruin their little 'date'. Sorry, I swear hollyTrouble is my fave pairing, but…

Sorry.

And have a happy Thanksgiving!


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: Don't own Artemis Fowl or any of its characters…tum de dum…

OMG! I haven't updated in a MONTH! AAAAAAHHHHHHH! Gaah I am SO sorry!

Note: In my story, fairies don't use spoons, forks, knives, or any other utensils to eat. Sad.

Other note: I haven't re-read the first book in a while, so I've kinda forgotten about the whole pod-thing. Please forgive me if I got most of it wrong.

Switched

Chapter 4

Holly's French Onion Soup (is that even a French dish?) arrived shortly after she ordered it. In a bowl. With a spoon.

Holly stared at the bowl. She had assumed that her soup would come in a cup, but nooooooo, Mud Men insisted in putting it in an extremely breakable, not to mention importable porcelain bowl. So she simply used her hands to remove the cheese on top, quickly pulling them out as soon as they touched the hot soup beneath.

Angeline Fowl looked at her disapprovingly. "Use your spoon, dear."

"Spoon?" Holly said blankly. Mrs. Fowl reached over and pointed at the silver utensil while Holly dried her hands on her napkin. "Oh. Right." Why couldn't anyone else order soup so she could copy them?

Holly grabbed the spoon and drove the other end into the thick layer of cheese. She stabbed it repeatedly, trying to get rid of it to the actual soup.

Artemis Fowl I's neck snapped up immediately. "Son, may I have a word with you?" he said through gritted teeth.

"'Kay," Holly abandoned her soup and followed Mr. Fowl into a corner of the restaurant.

"Artemis, I know I may not have spent a lot of time with you, but I would imagine that at the very least, you would _remember your manners in public?_"

"…" She had nothing to say. Of course, there was always the option that she could just tell Fowl's dad about the whole body-switching thing and spend time in a mental asylum…but did she really want to do that?

Mr. Fowl continued his speech, but his tone softened. "Is something bothering you, Artemis? You haven't been acting like yourself today. Your mother and I have noticed, and we're getting worried."

_Oops,_ thought Holly.

"What is it, son? You know, now that we're a family, you shouldn't feel like you have anything to hide from your mother and me."

"I'm…fine. Really, Mr. Fo-er, _Dad_." The word felt strange in her mouth.

"Alright Arty, but promise me you'll tell me anything, _anything,_ that's worrying you these days." Mr. Fowl looked expectant.

_Oh…I can't do that…_ It was one of the LEP rules that out of honor, any and all promises made had to be kept. Holly had an unimaginable amount of worries on her mind, and telling Mr. Fowl even one of them was a definite no-no. Technically, no one would know if she lied, but even if she wasn't in her own body, she was still an LEP officer…

"Artemis?"

"O-oh. Yeah, s-sure." Nobody would know…right?

Artemis:

Finally, through dumb luck and five minutes of pointless wandering around for no reason, (well maybe there was a reason but it was not easy to find his way there) Artemis arrived at Foaly's office. Before he could lift a finger, Foaly buzzed his glass doors open. "Holly, where've you been? You were supposed to be here ten minutes ago!"

Artemis debated whether to answer Foaly's question or not, but before he could, Foaly pulled him into his office, having seemingly forgotten what had happened that morning, or at least hoping that she-er, _he_ had. Foaly tossed Artemis a Neutrino and a pair of wings, and sent him on his merry way to the pods, where Artemis next found himself strapped to a seat in a one-man pod ready to blast off. Luckily for him, he knew how to operate a fairy helmet, so when Foaly contacted him, he was able to respond back.

"Alright, Holly. You missed the 15-minute flare, but there's another one coming in five minutes." The quality was so good, Artemis jumped at first, but then remembered just how sophisticated and ahead the fairies were, technologically speaking.

Meanwhile, he was faced with a huge problem. As in, how the heck was he going to operate the pod? "Foaly?" Artemis said, inwardly praying for the centaur to pick up.

There was a crackle of static, then Foaly's digitized voice came back. "Yeah?"

"How do you work this thi-iiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnggggg!" Suddenly the flare came and propelled him up, up, and away. Artemis's words were lost. He felt his stomach being turned upside down, and his heart leap into his throat (metaphorically speaking, naturally). All he could do was hang on and pray that he would make it out of this alive.

Which, at the moment, was a miracle in itself.

-

"The fins!" Foaly yelled, interrupting Artemis's silent pleas to get through the 'flight'. "No time to get lost on the heat drafts. You need the fins and go manual!"

"What fins?" Artemis wondered out loud. However, the pod took this as voice confirmation, and two silver, smooth metal fins whirred out from the sides of the small pod.

"Use the steering wheel!" (if fairy pods _have_ steering wheels) Foaly barked. "What's gotten into you, Holly?"

"Steering wheel…steering wheel…" Artemis was only fourteen years old, so he hadn't a license of any sort, but he could figure out how any piece of technology worked (which was, coincidentally, a useful side effect to being a criminal mastermind). He twirled the wheel like an expert, though he had no idea exactly _where_ he was going.

"You're going too fast! Too fast! Slow down or you'll hit the landing ports!"

Artemis felt a bead of sweat trickle down his (Holly's) neck as he slowed the pod. How did the captain do this? As a job?

"Holly!" Foaly snapped his fingers in a futile attempt to get Artemis's attention. "Hurry up and shoot the clamps!"

"Clamps?"

"What's _wrong_ with you? Yes, the clamps!"

Artemis skimmed the pod's controls. All of them were labeled in Gnommish, but that wasn't a problem for him. The _problem_ was the words were written so small and put so closely together Artemis had to squint to read them. Finally he saw it. _Gripper Clamps_ was etched in Gnommish on a piece of brass. But _which _button was it pointing to? There were about a dozen buttons, levers, and controls near it.

Artemis tried a yellow button first. Wrong. Water squirted from under the windshield, only to be dried almost immediately by the hot magma outside, leaving foggy spots where the water had been. Then he tried a red button with a black symbol on it. The next thing he knew, he was being blasted backwards into his seat by a jet of cool air. Pressing another button, his pod emitted a loud honking noise (yes, these are all car features).

Back in the Ops Booth, Foaly slapped his forehead in frustration.

Holly:

As Holly returned to the table with Mr. Fowl, she saw Butler eyeing her suspiciously. _That's bad…_ she thought. And it wasn't just Butler. She could feel both of Fowl's parents watching her.

Holly played around with her food. When it was time for dessert (fondu), she accidentally dunked her pretzel in so hard the hot cheese went flying all over Mrs. Fowl's white blouse.

_Ohmygod, ohmygod, ohmygod… _"I'm sorry! Really it was an accident! I'm really sorry Mrs. Fo-" _I can't believe I just did that!_

"It's alright, dear," Angeline Fowl said, as a waitress escorted her out of her chair and to the restroom to clean up. As she left the table, Holly heard her muttering to herself. When she returned, Artemis Fowl I spoke in a strained voice.

"Honey…maybe we should go home before…anything else happens." Holly didn't miss the sideways glance cast in her direction.

"Yes…maybe we should." Mrs. Fowl sounded upset. The bright yellow cheese stains on her shirt were smudged and ugly. They didn't look like they were going to come off anytime soon.

The ride back home was spent in suffocating silence, though that was what Holly would have preferred anyway. Talking would only make things worse than they already were…if that was possible.

No sooner had Holly stepped through the front door than Butler said in a soft, dangerous tone, "Artemis…may I see you for a moment?"

_Oh no…_ thought Holly. _I'm in trouble…_

Artemis:

Foaly couldn't stand it any longer. "The purple lever!" he cried in exasperation. "Pull the purple lever! Geez!"

Artemis obeyed. Two metal 'arms' came out from the front of the pod, extending their reach until they wrapped around two wide poles. The pod was quickly pulled into the landing port, where Artemis/Holly disembarked.

As soon as Artemis was on the surface, he let himself take several deep breaths of the fresh night air (in Haven, it's day, but in the time zone on the surface where Artemis is, it's night, just to clear things up). How could fairies stand it down there, where the air was all bitter and disgusting?

"C'mon Holly, no time to waste," Foaly said through the helmet-booth connection.

"What do I do?"

"Don't play games with me, girl! Do you think this is funny?"

"Seriously!"

"Wings," Foaly said dully.

"Wings what?" Artemis said, attempting to look at the device on his back. It wasn't going well.

"Pull on the cord! I'm starting to think something's really wrong with you Holly!" Foaly made an annoyed whinny back in the Operations Booth.

"Foaly, that's because I'm NOT Holly! I'm Artemis!"

Foaly gave an amused smirk. "Still tryin'a convince me, Hols? You should know by now it's pointless."

Artemis was practically seething with anger, but he tried to calm himself down with a quick meditation skill. Breathe in…breathe out…breathe in…breathe out… Maybe trying to convince Foaly _was_ pointless for the moment. Right now he should just try to…cooperate.

Artemis yanked on the cord hanging from the wings, and for lack of better words, shot up into the sky. Higher, higher, higher, into the blue sky, the same sensation when he had been in the pod. He could remotely hear Foaly saying something in his ear, but he was sailing upwards too fast. Time to drop. Literally.

Artemis let go of the cord. Now he was dropping like a stone. The air and gravity pushing down at him, the ground coming nearer and nearer. He could make out two words Foaly was screaming.

"YOUR! SHIELD!"

So much to learn as a fairy.

End chapter

This chapter felt kinda short. Sorry bout that. It also sounded really bad (and rushed) to me. I forgot to edit. Sorry. Hopefully next chapter will be longer and better, and posted sooner.

By the way, my email still isn't working right now.

Merry Christmas to all who celebrate!


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: …snore…don't feel like saying it…snore…

Yep! I'm back! Sorry as this chapter is mostly dialogue. Also I apologize if Artemis is a bit OOC in this chapter -sweatdrops-. Couldn't help it.

Oh yeah, and this chapter might be a bit on the boring side. But next chapter will be funny! At least I hope.

OMG I wrote a chapter in three days! It usually takes me bout a week! I guess it's cuz all my other fics are complete. Then again, this chapter is shorter than usual. So anyway, enjoy!

Warning: Might be a bit of rushed-ness, which my stories still suffer from.

Switched

Chapter 5

Artemis:

Artemis landed helmet-first onto the ground. While his head may have been protected (though he may just have caused a large dent on the helmet), the rest of his body wasn't that fortunate. _Owww… I must have broken all my bones…So this is how Butler felt when he was nearly killed by that troll. _

"Ooh." Foaly winced. "Pain sensors went right off the scale there. Musta hurt."

"And you're just figuring this out now?" Amazing that even now, Artemis held on tight to his sarcasm. Blue sparks hurried to heal the plentiful wounds on his body. Even though Artemis didn't know how to control his new fairy powers, healing was a natural instinct in Holly's body that took over whenever she was hurt.

"Holly, you're really going too far with this whole trying-to-convince-me-you-and-Artemis-have-switched-bodies thing. You could have been seen by a Mud Man, for goodness sakes!" Foaly sounded outraged.

Artemis, however, stayed quiet, letting the fairy magic do its work.

"You know what? Forget it. Let's just hurry and finish up this mission."

Holly:

Holly followed Butler into his bedroom, then watched as he locked the doors. Butler didn't have the ordinary bedroom for a forty year old man. Though nothing suggested that he was a vicious, protective bodyguard, Holly had a feeling there were all sorts of dangerous weapons hidden in the most unsusceptible places. Just being in the room gave Holly the creeps.

Butler sat down on his bed and patted the spot next to him. Obligingly, Holly sat, facing the bodyguard.

"Artemis…" Butler began. With a mental jolt, Holly realized the manservant was actually _nervous_. He was playing with his hands in his lap. _So this is what it's like to be someone like Fowl…_ "I know it may not be my place to ask…but you've been acting…strange… since this morning. I was just wondering if something was bothering you."

What to say, what to say… "Butler, don't-don't worry about me." Riiiiight. She didn't blame the man for doing just that. "I'm…perfectly fine." What a lie. But it was better than some of the things she _could_ say. "Tomorrow I'll be back to normal." Hope that didn't give away the fact she wasn't exactly 'normal' right then…If it wasn't already given away.

Butler let out a deep breath. "Good…good." They sat there for a moment, each not sure what to say. The silence stretched out between them. Finally Butler made a move to conversation. "So, enough about that. Are we still going to rob the Swiss Bank today when your parents are out for dinner?"

"Rob…rob…" Holly stuttered, feeling Artemis's face turn different shades of red. She'd thought the Mud Boy had gone legitimate! Apparently not…one more person to add to her must-kill list. She tried to say something, though her voice chose this time to abandon her.

"The Swiss Bank." Butler finished her sentence as she seemed to have lost the ability to. He watched his 'master' struggle with 'himself' for a while, then 'he' finally regained 'his' composure. Before 'Artemis' could say anything, Butler said, "So that's a no?"

"Um…wh-why don't we, uh, do it tomorrow instead?" _Then it'll be Fowl's problem…this potion had _better_ last for only 24 hours…but who knows? Mental note: Kill Foaly._

"Alright, Master Artemis." Butler replied, standing up. "Just wanted to clear things up."

As Holly also stood up and exited the room, she sighed and found herself wondering once again what Artemis had possibly done in her body. One thing in particular she was anxious about. She wandered into Fowl's bedroom and pulled out the fairy communicator she had thrown on the bed…

Artemis:

Had finally finished the goblin mission and was now back at Holly's desk pretending to be doing paperwork while really going through extreme nervousness of what lay ahead for him to do that day. Artemis had found out during the mission he could use his fairy magic by willing it to happen. How interesting… Also, on his second attempt he had discovered how to use the wings. Correctly, for a change. Foaly was always bugging him about some mistake or other he had made, but it went smoothly enough after a series of…episodes (hint, hint, don't ask.)

Holly's communicator rang. As Artemis opened it, the screen flashed the words, 'You have a call from Artemis Fowl.' His heart pounding a couple beats quicker, Artemis accepted the call.

Before Holly could say anything, Artemis blurted out, "HollyI'vegotahugeproblemhere!"

"Slow down, Mud Boy. Is it about…you know, the _date_?"

Speechless, he nodded.

"I thought so. Okay, so Trouble's going to pick you-ah, _me_- up at seven and take me out for dinner at the Fairytale Grill (A/N: Sorry for the lame name. Couldn't think of anything else at the moment). Just…act normal and-"

"But it's 6:30 right now!" Artemis said, panicking.

"…I know."

"Why didn't you call me earlier?"

"I thought you were still on that mission! By the way, how did it go?"

"…"

"Not so good, eh?" Holly smirked, taking pride in the fact that she was still better than Artemis in at least that aspect.

"By the way, Holly- I still don't know who this 'Trouble' person is." Artemis hurriedly changed the subject.

"Ah…he was the person who walked in on you in the men's bathroom."

Artemis turned a shade of red that would not have disappointed Root. "You saw?"

"Yes," Holly let out a giggle. And believe me, she was _not_ the giggling type. "You should have seen the expression on your face!"

"Holly."

"Yes Artemis?"

"What do I _do_?"

Holly rolled her eyes. "Like I told you. Just act normal. Surely you can just _pretend_."

"Easy for you to say. I don't know your definition of normal."

"Okay then." Holly took a breath, thinking of what to do next. A lightbulb appeared over her head. "Look in my desk drawer."

Artemis obediently pulled out Holly's desk drawer. Inside were the most high-tech gadgets he had ever seen. _Think of all the money I could make by patenting these on the surface…_

"Don't even think about it, Fowl." Oops. He was on last-name basis. Meaning Holly hadn't missed the red gleam in his eye. "Now, find my hazel iris-cam. It should be below a set of mini-earphones. Take those too."

Artemis did. "Why?"

Holly ignored this question. "And there should be some Latex at the bottom. Take some of that too."

"Now will you answer my question?"

"Fine. But first put in the iris-cam, the earphones, and put the Latex on." Holly directed.

"You understand what the word _now_ traditionally means, right?" Artemis grumbled while inserting the contact-lenses-like iris-cam into Holly's eye. Then he turned to the mini-earbud, which was actually a piece of Latex that had been designed to clamp onto the piece of skin nearest his earhole. Artemis popped in the earbuds, then ripped a piece of Latex off from a roll and attached it to Holly's neck. It immediately assumed the color and texture of Holly's nut brown skin.

Holly gritted her teeth at Artemis's comment. The Mud Boy could get on her nerves like no one else. "As a matter of fact I do, Artemis. I want to keep in communication with you on the date."

Artemis's mouth was about to complain, but with effort he closed it. "Good idea."

"Wow. A compliment from the genius boy. I'm honored." Holly said sarcastically as she fiddled with her communicator's controls. "There. Just keep the communicator with you at all times. You'll hear me through the earbuds, and I'll see and hear you through the iris-cam and the Latex microphone. This way I can give you advice and everything without Trouble noticing.

"Oh, and Artemis?"

"Yes Holly?"

"Butler told me about your plans to rob the Swiss Bank."

_Oh no…_ "Ahem. Yes, that."

"Didn't you tell me not so long ago that you'd gone straight?" The tension was building up in Holly's voice.

"Ha-ha. Did I really?"

"Artemis-you-"

_Ding-dong. _

Artemis opened the connection from outside Holly's locked cubicle door. Through a buzz of static, he heard a male's voice. "Holly? It's Trouble."

Artemis looked around wildly, the look of panic on his face so strong it made Holly want to laugh out loud. He caught sight of Holly's digital wall clock. 7:00, it read.

Time for the inevitable.

Yeesh. This turned out shorter than last chapter. So, ditto all my apologies from the end of last chapter. Please read and review! Oh yeah…I'm afraid there might be like only two more chapters…and that's it due to lack of ideas. Sob! Sorry.


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: Still don't own. Is that such a surprise?

Hey all what up? I'm so glad most of you like this story so far! A lot of people were anxious to see the date, so here it is.

Ha…all the characters have become so out of character so far! There'll be more OOCness in this chapter. And in the rest of the story, just to warn you.

Hope everyone had a happy new year!

Switched

Chapter 6

Still Artemis:

"Well? Go on out!" Holly hissed in Artemis's ear.

Nodding and swallowing, Artemis tucked the communicator in his pocket. He slid open Holly's cubicle door to find Trouble standing outside it, hiding something behind his back. That something was revealed in Trouble's next words.

"I brought you flowers." Trouble said, producing a bunch of roses. They were a deep, rich red color, redder than any others Artemis had ever seen, the soft petals practically sparkling in the light, curling together towards the center. The stems were a lush green hue, firm with thorns. The bouquet was gathered in a simple white plastic wrap, tied with a thin purple ribbon in the middle. If Artemis was in the mood to appreciate beauty, he would have, but since he was not, it was Holly who let out an audible squeal through Artemis's earbuds.

"Take them and say 'Thank you so much Trouble'" Holly commanded Artemis. Did she have to spell everything out?

"Uh… uh… Th-thank you s-so much Trouble…" Artemis accepted the roses, hands shaking. _Why does this always have to happen to me?_

"Idiot!" Holly whispered as Artemis lay the bouquet on her desk.

"You-aren't-helping!" Artemis mouthed, knowing the Latex would pick up the vibration of his vocal cords.

As Artemis began to follow Trouble to the exit, Holly whispered again, "Haven't you ever been on a date before? You're fourteen, prime human time for that kind of thing! (not that this is my opinion on love or anything)"

Artemis shook his head a little.

"Well then, we'll just have to set you and Juliet up, won't we?" Holly smirked, enjoying teasing Artemis.

Blushing a little, Artemis replied, "Don't even try! And who's 'we'?"

"Me and Butler, naturally."

"You wouldn't!"

"How do you know?"

By this time Arty and Trubs had arrived at the front doors. Trouble held the door open for who he thought was Holly, who was so uptight 'she' didn't even say thank you to him.

"Sooo…" said Trouble in a feeble attempt to make conversation with 'Holly' as they walked to the Fairytale Grill. "How was your day, Hols?"

_You sound like an overgrown parent._ "Meh. The usual." Artemis said with a shrug.

"Ask him about his," Holly growled. She couldn't help thinking about Artemis's lack of courtesy.

"Em…how was yours?"

"Boring. I didn't get any aboveground missions like you. Just paperwork." At this point, Trouble reached out to take Artemis's hand. On impulse, Artemis quickly ran that hand through Holly's hair to avoid the gesture. Trouble gave a small cough and pretended nothing had just happened, letting his own hand fall to his side.

"Moron!"

"What do you expect, Captain? I'm a _guy_! A _straight_ guy!"

"I would _expect_ you to play along, at least for now!"

"If that means pretending that I'm a lovesick female who's three feet tall, then forget it!"

"Uh, Holly?" Trouble looked at Artemis with questions clearly written out on his face.

Artemis learned to keep his mouth shut after that.

Holly:

She was sprawled out on Artemis's bed, watching him follow Trouble in downtown Haven to the Fairytale Grill, when there was a _knock-knock-knock_ on the door and the sound of a doorknob turning.

"Gyaaaah!" Holly instantly hid the fairy communicator under the bed's heavy blankets. As a quick afterthought, she sat on it to smother the noise.

"Uh… Honey?" Angeline Fowl walked into the room, Artemis Fowl I right behind her.

"Oh. Um… hi." Holly said lamely.

"Arty, your father and I will be going out to dinner now, so behave yourself, okay?"

"Sure."

"Goodbye sweetie!" Angeline said, waving a little as she turned around, closing the door.

"Bye." Holly pulled out the communicator, but before she could look at the screen, she heard the door being opened again.

"Eeeeeeeeeeeee!" Holly shrieked, hiding the communicator again.

This time Butler walked in, eyebrows raised. "Is there a reason you've been screaming like a banshee, Artemis?"

"Heh heh… I was surprised." Lame. Holly gave herself a mental kick for that one. No doubt Butler was on her case already. "Um… what do you want?" That was sudden.

"I was just wondering when you'd like to have dinner, Master Artemis."

"Erm… maybe later."

Butler gave an understanding nod and left.

"Finally," Holly breathed. She waited a second to make sure no one else was coming, then took out the communicator _again_. "Let's see…"

Artemis and Trouble were nearly at the Grill, Artemis looking as stiff and rigid as if he had a huge wedgie. Trouble looked faintly embarrassed, though Holly could understand that.

Artemis:

Trouble led Artemis into the Fairytale Grill. It was one of those places which names made it sound like an all meat junk food café, but really was one of those fancy, candlelit, romantic expensive restaurants that smelled more like perfume than food. There even was a lady elf playing slow, classical tunes on a huge old harp in a corner. Naturally, all this freaked Artemis out.

"May I help you?" A rather pretty pixie looked up at them.

Trouble cleared his throat. "Reservation #1234567890 (sometimes it's fun to just type!)."

The pixie, whose name tag read 'Melanie', traced her finger down a long list, then stopped and said, "Ah, yes. Trouble and Holly?"

The pair nodded.

"Right this way." The smartly dressed pixie led them through to one of the tables in the very back of the restaurant. She laid out two menus on the table, then skipped away to greet some other couple.

The table was covered in a lacy white tablecloth, making Artemis a tad bit uncomfortable. There were salt and pepper packets in a little glass container in the corner, along with sugar substitute packets. Leading the eye away from all this were a couple of food stains all over the tablecloth.

Artemis opened his menu at directly eye level so Holly could see the choices. "What do I get?" he whispered hoarsely.

"Hmm… hmm…" Holly looked over the food items. Suddenly a wicked idea struck her. A smile that was as close you could get to evil without being it flashed on her face. Hoping that her voice sound innocent, she said, "Get the Pyro Leaf Salad."

Artemis nodded and put down his menu. Soon a plain-looking waitress came over to their table. "Welcome to the Fairytale Grill. My name is Nora, and I'll be your server tonight." _Well, it's not _that_ much different from human restaurants so far, _thought Artemis. "May I start you two off with a drink?" She turned to Trouble.

"I'll have some water," he said. "No ice, please."

"Same for me," Artemis replied under the waitress' gaze.

"Alrighty then," she said, scribbling something on a pad of paper. "I'll be right back in a few minutes to take your orders."

When she came back, Trouble gave her his order first. "I'll have… the Chicken Broccoli Season Plate."

"Not a problem," Nora giggled, writing it on her pad. "And you?"

"Um, the Pyro Leaf Salad, please," Artemis answered.

"Okay. Your food will arrive momentarily."

Five minutes later, their drinks came, along with a basket of assorted breads. About ten minutes of silence after that, their dishes came.

What puzzled Artemis the most was that there were no utensils to eat his food with. "How am I supposed to eat a salad with no forks or knives?"

"With your hands!"

"…if you say so…"

Trouble was already eating his chicken pieces and broccoli with only fingers. "This is uncivilized cannibalism!" Artemis complained softly.

"That's why we have napkins! Now shut up and eat your salad!"

Artemis sighed and picked out a single leaf from the salad. It appeared (to him) to be seasoned with fairy dressing, though what Holly knew and he didn't was that it was actually red-hot chili sauce. Pyro Leaves were an extremely rare kind of tropical leaves that were spicier than your average chili pepper. This combined with their startling ability to burst into flame when in contact with liquid for too long earned them the name Pyro Leaves. When put in a salad with chili sauce and lightly sprinkled with chili powder…

Ahem. So, Artemis sighed and picked out a single leaf from the salad. Unsuspectingly, he put it in his mouth and began chewing.

No sooner had he done that he felt Holly's whole body tingle involuntarily. His tongue burning and prickling worse than when he had once tried a cinnamon tic-tac, _Holly's_ hazel eyes filled with tears, blurring his vision. His (Holly's) body shuddered and shook, feeling hot and sweaty. Though Artemis couldn't see it, he was sure he was breathing fire.

Holly was too busy trying not to die of oxygen deprivation from laughing so hard. She was literally rolling on Artemis's bed. Even if it was her body, it was still hilarious knowing it was him!

Back to Artemis. He grabbed his water glass and pretty much poured the whole thing down his throat, splashing some down Holly's suit.

Trouble looked at 'her' strangely. "You sure that isn't too spicy for you Holly?"

"Oh…no no no, I'm fine," gasped Artemis, trying to plaster on a fake smile. "Um…I've got to go to the bathroom."

Without waiting, Artemis took off, remembering to go into the women's bathroom this time. Once in, he locked himself in a stall, made sure no one else was in there, then proceeded to tell Holly off.

"Do you think this is _funny_?"

Giggle. "Yes." Giggle. Giggle.

"Well it's NOT!"

"Calm down, Artemis."

"Why should I?" _Even if it's the sensible thing?_

"Because if you don't you're going to alert all of Haven that we've switched bodies."

"You had no right!" Artemis snarled viciously.

"Hey. It was just a joke."

"A JOKE?"

"Yeah. If you just eat the Pyro Leaves with soda it doesn't make them as spicy, they'll just taste like ordinary iceberg lettuce."

"And you didn't tell me this before because…?"

"Everyone enjoys a joke now and then. So go order some soda, but don't eat the leaves while you have soda in your mouth or they will burst into flame."

"Great. Just great."

"Now get out and go!"

Muttering to himself, Artemis went back to where Trouble was sitting. He noticed Trouble looking at him worriedly, but he quickly glanced away.

Artemis sat down gingerly and looked at his salad like it was a bomb that was going to explode if he stared at it too long. Their waitress, Nora, skipped over to them and asked, "How's your meal, folks?"

"Um, fine, could I get a glass of soda?" Artemis blurted.

"Of course," she said. "Would you like Sprite or Sierra Mist?"

Artemis swallowed and moistened his lips. "Sprite, please."

"Alright. I'll be back in a moment."

The rest of the meal was fine overall. Artemis found that Holly's trick did work, though once when he still had a bit of Sprite in his mouth, he could swear he felt something spark there. Trouble ordered a dessert for the two of them, strawberry shortcake. Except for the part where 'Holly' dropped a big spoonful of strawberries, whipped cream, and angel food cake on her suit, dessert was okay as well. Before both Holly and Artemis knew it, Trouble was paying for the dinner and he was walking with Artemis out the door.

It was night already in Haven. The sky appeared to be dark blue, littered with stars, though Holly knew the troth: Fairies had recently started to use holographic images to preserve the feeling of what it felt like to be aboveground. It may have _looked_ convincing, but all it did to most fairies was increasing their feelings of longing to be rid of living underground.

Trouble and Artemis walked slowly to Holly's home. Halfway there, Trouble snaked his arm around 'her' waist. Artemis immediately stiffened, but due to Holly's near-shouting in his ear, let the arm be.

"Look at the stars, Holly," Trouble whispered softly. "Don't you wonder sometimes about what it would be like if fairies could roam freely aboveground again instead of being caged down here?"

"Yes, but it's not like that could ever happen," Artemis snapped harshly. Holly sweared right in his ear.

Trouble looked at Artemis strangely, but didn't change his gentle tone. "But what if it could? Don't you think fairies are trying too hard to recreate the image of the Earth's surface?" A small gust of wind blew past them. Even that was created by an air conditioner behind them.

"You really think so?" Artemis replied testily.

"Yes, I do. Don't you?"

"What?" Artemis's ears were still ringing after Holly's last shout.

"Don't you?"

"Um, I guess," Artemis responded in a monotone voice after Holly's instructions.

"Yeah. Me too." Trouble stopped in the middle of the road. Artemis realized they were at Holly's house. "C'mon. I'll walk you up."

His arm still around Artemis's waist, Trouble and he ascended Holly's staircase, stopping in front of the door. The soft yellowish glow of Holly's semi-bright houselight cast shadows across Trouble's face, enhancing his features.

_Hehehe. Well, I'd best be going. _Artemis opened his mouth to say this, but before he could, Trouble put both arms around him and pressed his lips against Artemis's.

Artemis couldn't cry out, so he pulled himself away, gasping for air, and punched Trouble hard in the face without a single regard as to what he had just done. Once he realized it, Artemis gasped again, opened Holly's door, leaped over the threshold (bumping his head on the doorway as he did so), and finally, slammed the door in Trouble's face, hyperventilating on the other side.

In Artemis's room back in Fowl Manor, Holly let out an ear-piercing scream and fainted on the bed.

End chapter

Whew! There you go. A little longer than usual. I don't think it came out as funny as I would have liked, but oh well. Next chapter will be the final one, sorry to say. Hope you all enjoyed this! Now REVIEW!


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: Don't own, so don't sue. Also, warning, characters will be waaaaay OOC this chap. Ho hum.

Wow! Final chapter. We're here at last! I am _flattered _by all the reviews I got from last chapter. Thank you all. Really.

Switched

Chapter 7

Holly:

Holly woke up coughing. She made a move to sit up, but someone gently pushed her back down. Opening her eyes and blinking a little, everything came back into focus.

She was lying down on a soft bed, the same one she had fainted on. Butler was at the side of the bed, putting away a set of smelling salts. Holly glanced at the digital clock on the nightstand and realized she had only been unconscious for a few minutes.

Butler finally spoke. "Master…Artemis…" he mused in a way that led Holly to be nervous._ Very_ nervous. "What happened?" He pointed to the fairy communicator lying about a foot away from her. "It was blank when I came in."

_Oh, you think you can get away with that Fowl, _Holly thought, remembering the events that had just happened a few minutes ago. Holly looked at the white screen and realized Artemis had taken out his iris-cam and earphones. She was no longer connected.

"Artemis? What happened in here?"

"Weee-ee-ll…" Holly said, stretching out the word. What could she say that wouldn't give anything away?

"Who were you talking to? Captain Short?"

_So the Mud Men are getting smarter… _"Well, you see…" Holly looked at the clock again. It was very late already. Should she tell Butler about the switching dilemma? Would he believe her was the most important question. If he didn't…things were not looking pretty for Artemis.

On the other hand, Holly was sick of holding in all this information. Artemis might be able to control his emotions through meditation and such, but there was no way she herself could do that. So much was expected of her as Artemis, but she didn't know how to live up to what he was like.

Butler would understand. She hoped.

Holly swallowed and prepared her words. It probably wasn't best to just hit Butler over the head with the truth, but at the moment she couldn't think of anything else to say. _OK. So I'll go, 'I'm in Artemis's body, but I'm actually Holly.' _Yeah. _Then _he'll _say, 'Artemis, you need to go to a mental hospital._

She opened her mouth. "Butler-I'm-I'm-"

_WHAM!_

Artemis:

Artemis was in Holly's bed, but was unable to sleep due to the fact that he knew Holly was going to kill him the moment she laid eyes on him. He knew he shouldn't be worried about it, but he had actually _hit someone. _Artemis was usually the one to rely on words. Violence was something he never resorted to (Well, maybe sometimes it was, but it was never him actually doing the violence). But he had been so nervous and something like 'that' (Artemis was now mortally afraid of the word 'kiss') had been just enough for him to burst.

Artemis tried to meditate, but he couldn't take his mind off the matter. It was no use, he couldn't find his inner calm.

Artemis reached over to get the communicator, then hesitated. If he called Holly to apologize now, there was the possibility she was already asleep. Even if she did pick up, she would probably be too mad to talk. Best to try again in the morning.

Deep in his own mind, Artemis knew he was just making excuses not to face up to Holly, but at the time he didn't really care. So he laid back and tried to go to sleep. Tried being the key word. Before long guilt got the better of the infamous Artemis Fowl (_I have _got _to learn to control my emotions_) and he sat up and reached to take the communicator once again.

His fingers barely touched the communicator's smooth, hard surface before he was _WHAM_med like Holly.

Foaly:

Foaly was sleeping in his office again, though this time it was because he was severely overworked (at least that's how he put it).

"Oh, my dear darling tinfoil hat…" Foaly muttered in his sleep. "I have loved you so… I cannot imagine life without you safe and snug on my head… will you marry me?"

Next to Foaly, forgotten on his nightstand, was what looked like a small remote control. There were tiny digital numbers counting down from nearly 24 hours ago. When they reached 00:00:00, the remote gave a quiet _beeeeep_ and though none could feel it except two, sent out an invisible signal through the air.

In his bed, Foaly tossed and turned and moved on to another dream fantasy. "Mmm… I would be honored to accept this award, commander… Who would I like to thank? Myself, of course… my brilliant mind… oh no, you don't have to say I'm a genius, I know that already…"

Foaly, clutching his blanket, rolled over once more, this time off his bed and onto his hard wood floor.

Artemis:

His vision dissolved as he felt himself spinning through space, not an enjoyable sensation. His body felt cold, then freakishly warm, then abruptly, his body ceased spinning and came to a halt. When Artemis opened his eyes again, he was back in his own room. In Fowl Manor.

_The potion…wore off?_

Artemis gasped upon seeing Butler next to him. "I'm perfectly fine," he said in as calm a voice as he could manage.

"Artemis, what happened? Just a second ago you looked fine, then you look like you're going to faint again…" The manservant held on tight to his smelling salts lest Artemis lose consciousness once more.

"Oh, Butler, it's a long story," breathed Artemis. "Nevertheless, I shall tell you as you have every right to know." So Artemis spilled his guts.

When he finished his story, it was impossible to read Butler's expression, whether he believed Artemis or if he simply believed he should call the police. "Artemis," Butler said at last. "It's not that I don't believe you, but why don't you get some sleep and we'll continue in the morning. It's very late today."

So he didn't believe him. Fine, he would have to persuade him in the morning. Artemis bit his lip and keeping his voice even, murmured, "Very well, Butler. We shall talk in the morning." Artemis laid back down, the signal for Butler to leave. So he did.

"Goodnight, Artemis."

"Goodnight, Butler."

Holly:

Holly's vision faded into black when she was succumbed to a sensation not unlike her first time in a pod. Before she got used to the feelings of nausea. _I shouldn't have eaten that pepper-and-mushroom pizza a week ago. I knew that thing was rotten…_

She squeezed her fists into the nothingness. What was happening? One minute she was ready to let Butler know each and every detail of the day, and the next she found herself being pitched into a black darkness of which there was no escaping. Yet another reminder of how much she needed to kill Foaly.

Suddenly she felt her body being chilled, much like when you go outside on a cold winter's day and find that you really _should _have worn that ugly sweater Grandma knitted you. Except Holly wasn't thinking about grandmas or sweaters at the moment.

And abruptly, the cold sensation stopped, to be replaced with a hot feeling. Not like the tropical-island-lying-on-a-beach hot or the sinking-into-a-tub-of-hot-water hot, more like the I'm-so-exhausted-after-running-a-five-mile-race-and-I-wish-the-stupid-author-would-stop-giving-lame-examples hot (wow, I wonder what that would feel like). Without the sweat, of course.

Holly took a sharp intake of breath when her world stopped spinning. _Where am I? I feel nauseous…_

Her eyes were closed, so with tremendous effort, she opened them. Everything was blurry, so she blinked a few times until things came back into focus.

Blink. Blink.

_Oh my God._

Blink. Blink. Rub.

_I'm…back?_

Artemis:

Artemis hid a huge yawn behind his delicate pianist fingers. Time to go to bed. At last.

Switching off the lights and tucking his soft blanket over his body, Artemis was most startled when the sound of beautiful orchestra music washed over him. 'Spring' from the Four Seasons to be exact. (Random fact: I can play Spring and Autumn on the violin!). He lay still as a statue, listening to the clear sound. _BEEEEP!_

"Pick up the darn communicator, Artemis!" A feminine and rather annoyed voice issued from the fairy communicator. Artemis could guess who it was. "It's Holly! Pick up Mud Boy! D'arvit!"

Ever so slowly, Artemis turned on his lights. He reached for the communicator (which was still featuring Holly's angry voice) and pressed the green phone button. "Hello?" he said tentatively.

"I AM GOING TO KILL FOALY!" Holly burst out. "AND YOU!" she added as an afterthought.

"Why me?" Artemis questioned ever so innocently.

"Do you really need to ask? Not my reputation will be RUINED at the least, not to mention Trouble is gonna HATE ME FOR LIFE!"

"Calm down! I said I was sorry!"

"No you didn't!"

"…oh yeah. I'm sorry."

"You think _that's _gonna solve everything?"

"No, but I do have an idea as to how I'm gonna make it up to you _and_ how to give Foaly exactly what he deserves."

"Really?" Holly tried to say it sarcastically but failed.

"Really, Captain."

Holly:

The next morning Holly woke up early, not believing what she had to do that day. She got up and dressed, then set off to work with as much dignity as she could muster.

Once she reached the LEP building, Holly entered through the back door instead of the front. It would be a longer walk to her cubicle, but a better one to where she was going.

Holly walked for a good ten minutes before she reached Foaly's office. The back part. Since there was a wall separating each half of his office, the back door was the only way to access the other half.

Artemis had cracked Foaly's code to open his office doors, so getting in wasn't any problem. He had also hooked up his laptop and created a loop for Foaly's various cameras and other means of security that completely erased Holly from everything. Cameras, motion detectors, even her thermal energy form was gone. Holly had to admit, by now her grudge against Artemis was severely diminished from what it had been last night.

Now the only problem was to stay hidden. Foaly could be anywhere, office or not. Like all fairies, Foaly did have a fairy helmet that could see through fairy shields.

The back part of Foaly's office was where Foaly created and improved his gadgets. It also had a shower, a bedroom, and a rec room for when the technical genius took time off. Since he rarely did, everything in there had a fine layer of dust on it.

Time to explore. Holly looked in the bathroom first, though she barely thought Foaly could be hiding something in there. But she knew Foaly, he was quite clever when he wanted to be. He could have hidden things anywhere.

Holly opened his mirror cabinets and giggled upon seeing Foaly's wrinkle cream moisturizer. She sifted through the contents of the rest of the cabinets. No dice.

Holly left Foaly's bathroom and headed into his lab after first peeking through the doorway to make sure he wasn't there. His laboratory was huge; it would take her _hours_ to search it all. She had come to work early, but she wouldn't have enough time to look in all the places in Foaly's lab.

So Holly decided she would look in the most logical place first: Foaly's refrigerator. Pulling open both doors, she was considerably disappointed when her search provided no results except for some fairly spoiled milk. After looking in a few cabinets just for the heck of it, Holly left Foaly's gigantic laboratory for his office bedroom.

The room wasn't large, considering it was part of an office. All it had was a small twin-sized bed, a nightstand, and a desk which was overflowing with folders and papers. Half-finished gadgets were littered all over the carpet. Holly frowned as she nearly tripped over what looked like a dark blue whistle with buttons all over it. Had the pony ever heard of the word _housekeeping?_ You'd think that since he was so paranoid, he wouldn't just leave his technology lying on the floor, but…

Aha. Holly strode over to Foaly's nightstand. Lying on it was a miniature remote control. Turning it over, Holly saw two things on the back of it: 1) Foaly's obnoxious logo he put on everything he made, showing an exaggerated picture of Foaly's head saying, 'If I made it, it's guaranteed to word!' and 2) the engraved words 'Use to make mind-hearing potion active'. Perfect. Holly pocketed the remote as her eye caught the potion right next to it, labeled, 'Mind-hearing potion'. This was too easy.

Now that she had what she needed, it was time to go. Holly slipped out Foaly's doors and checked the time. Good, she still had a half hour.

Holly walked all the way to her cubicle and picked up a folder with some completed paperwork. Then she jogged over to the coffee machine to fill a Styrofoam cup full of coffee. Hunching her back so no one would see what she was doing, she opened the lid of the potion vial and added a few drops. _I hope no one thinks I'm poisoning the commander…_

Holly skipped over to Root's office, humming and hoping that she looked casual. She knocked on his door, changing her tune.

"Come in," someone grunted.

Holly entered Root's office, smiling. "Here's some finished paperwork, Commander. I would give it to Foaly but he's nowhere to be seen."

The commander accepted the folder with another grunt. "Really? I thought I'd just seen him by the water fountain." _Right. Thanks for the tip._

"Eh-he-he, then I must not have looked close enough. By the way, would you like a cup of coffee?"

"Thank you, Short." Root took a sip of the coffee, then looked suspicious. "You aren't trying to bribe me into forgetting what happened yesterday, are you Short?"

"Oh nooooo, I would never. Well, I'll be going." Holly slipped out of the office to the coffee machine once more. She made another steaming cup of coffee and stirred in some potion.

Holly bounced over to the water fountain. Foaly was right beside it, smoothing some water into his hair.

"Hey Foaly." Holly put on her most innocent face ever. "Congrats on making that potion, it really worked. You are _such_ a genius, you know."

"I do know. You had doubts?" Foaly smirked, bathing in her praise. Holly had to bite her lip to prevent her hands from strangling the centaur.

_That stuck up little pony… _"No, of course not. I made you some coffee. Hazelnut Mocha, with cream and sugar, your favorite…"

"Thanks." Foaly took a deep swig of the drink, smacking his lips. "You know, Holly, you never seemed like the type to--" But when Foaly turned around, Holly had already made her 'escape'.

Holly ducked into the women's bathroom, hiding in a stall, taking out her fairy communicator. Accessing her contact list, she selected the first name on it- Artemis Fowl.

Ring. Ring. Artemis's face appeared on the screen. "Did you get it?"

"Yep. And I've already given them the potion."

"Good, good. Well, do the honors." Artemis actually grinned, rubbing his hands together.

"My pleasure." Holly took out the remote control and pressed the single button on it.

_That was for you, Trouble._

Root:

_Too much to do, too much to do… _Julius Root looked over his things-to-accomplish list for that day. Meet with the Council, talk to Foaly about his new satellite, finish the report on swear toad invasions…

His body suddenly tingled, like when someone tickles you, then he felt himself slipping away from consciousness…

Funnily enough, the moment after his eyes closed, Julius was jolted back to Earth. As his vision cleared, he realized he was in the men's bathroom, looking in a mirror.

_No._

_That can't be my reflection._

_What the hell…_

_Wait a sec…that's..._

"THAT BLASTED CENTAUR!"

The End.

It's done! Yay! There will be a sequel if people want. I didn't find time to edit this so go easy if there are mistakes…


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